Disappearing Act

Its been a while since I have even checked my blog, let alone updated anything. I haven't been in the best place health-wise the past few weeks and although I'm trying to remain positive, it can be difficult at times.

None of my experiments with introducing new foods seem to be working very well, and I'm stuck in a bit of a rut. I have this constant feeling of being 'swollen' in my abdomen, and I'm not sure whether it is bloating or simply inflammation. It doesn't feel like the usual bloating that I have put up with for the past year...but I'm not sure whether it is even possible to have a physical presentation of the inflammation that is likely going on in my intentines.

On Friday night I was doing some baking for a Thanksgiving dinner that I was attending on Saturday night. I was pretty excited to be attending my first ever Thanksgiving - its not something we typically celebrate in Australia. But my boyfriend's mum is American, and has quite a few American friends over here, so she puts on a big dinner every year. I had decided on 3 different desserts - a pumpkin pie, a hazelnut honey cake with spiced cranberry chutney from Roost (one of my favourite blogs), and an upside down apple cake of my own devising.

I hadn't been feeling at all well on Thursday....I woke up after an unusually solid sleep feeling utterly exhausted - that sort of mental and physical exhaustion that I used to feel when my symptoms were at their worst. I was supposed to be attending my CB's brother's gig that night with a group of friends, but by the afternoon I knew there was no way I was going anywhere that night. I feel crap - that was the first time in quite a while that I've had to let my illness interfere with my life in a big way.

Friday came and I was still feeling crappy, but now it was more GI symptoms than the brain fog and exhaustion. After work I stopped by the supermarket and got all of the ingredients I needed to start my bake-a-thon. I wasn't feeling too crash hot, but I thought the baking would be a good distraction and fill my house with wonderful smells. I returned home and had everything laid out on the bench...ready to bake!

A good few hours later I was finally finished, with a pie and 2 cakes to show for my efforts. I was feeling pretty proud of my efforts, but had also been feeling increasingly unwell as the night went on. Eventually at about 11:30 I thought i had better go to bed because I just wasn't feeling good enough to even talk to my housemates, let alone clean up the kitchen. I spent the next 6 or so hours in bed writhing in pain while simultaneously fighting off intense nausea. At one point I even considered driving myself to the hospital because I just didn't know what to do - something that anyone who knows me could confirm is the last thing I am likely to want to do.

I know we have up and down days on the SCD, and that it takes time to heal. But at the moment I feel like I'm just not getting any better, and in some ways getting worse. My diet is currently restricted to meat, chicken soup with no veg, zucchini, diluted apple jelly, turkey patties, and the occasional egg. I can't tolerate any fruit or honey, or even the majority of veggies. Carrots and pumpkin have both been crossed off the list. I feel like things I was tolerating are no longer agreeing with me, and my list of foods is growing smaller and smaller. And even then, I still feel crap almost every day.

I'm going to keep plugging away - I know as crappy as I feel that it would be so much worse without the diet. I just wish I could understand why I am feeling so horrible all of the time, why I have started bleeding and why constant pain seems to be one of my new symptoms. Am I doing something wrong?